My little boy is rounding the corner to three years old. As he grows, it prompts us to think about how we will add to our family. In my mind, adoption was the best option for two reasons:
1. The whole altruistic, beautiful, noble aspect of it. We have love and stability, and could give those things to a child in need.
2. The whole non-childbearing aspect of it. Labor was amazing in some ways, but awful in many others. Yeah, and not just labor, but pregnancy. Pregnancy, people. It does crazy things to your body.
So, adoption had been foremost in my mind, especially for the past 2 or 3 months, as I felt increasing pressure to somehow obtain a sibling for my son. I made phone calls to agencies. I had tea with a virtual stranger from my church so she could tell me about her experience adopting. I felt so sure of this course that I was willing to share our plans with many of our friends and family.
Still, I had a nagging voice( both psychological and biological, it seemed) telling me I might want to have another baby. I was so fixated on adoption, though, that I ignored this voice. Or, more accurately, I snapped at it to 'shut up!' The process of adoption is not without its own difficulties, and I believed that wanting to procreate again was sheer selfishness on my part. Too lazy to do all the paper work and jump through all the hoops, too impatient to wait an unspecified period of time before another child would live with us.
It took a conversation with a friend to see the error in my thinking. I guess in what was a throwback to my days as an evangelical, I had taken on a little too much responsibility to, you know, save the world. Just because I had considered adoption did not obligate me to pursue it right now. And wanting to carry another baby did not make me selfish, lazy, or impatient. After several months of single-mindedly focusing on adoption, I slowly became comfortable with changing my mind. I decided to listen to my heart and my body. I still think adoption is an amazing possibility, one I hope to explore with my family a few years down the road.
But, right now, I want to be pregnant again. So I talked with Nate. We discussed it shortly. We decided to try. Then we tried. And now we are........
WAITING. I am single-handedly keeping Scantibodies Laboratory, makers of First Response preggers test in business, I think. I keep taking these damn tests even though it is too early to tell. So, maybe not selfish and lazy, but impatient... yes. Certainly impatient.