7.05.2006

Week Two Report

Body:
-Feeling fat. Still four weeks until I'm supposed to exercise. I don't know when I'll ever have time to do that again... Need to go thrifting for some new duds. I don't have anything that fits me besides maternity clothes, and a girl just can't feel good wearing those when she's not pregnant.
-Not much pain. My nipples are still tender, but they no longer feel like they've been dragged across asphalt. Nursing feels a lot better, though it still smarts from time to time. I had a few tears on my perenium, which were very painful for the first week. Those seem to have healed up nicely. I don't really notice any pain down there anymore.
-Exhausted. Can barely keep my eyes open sometimes. Could be 3 am, could be 3 pm.

Mind:
-Very mushy, due to exhaustion.
-Emerging from the confusion over which books/experts to listen to. I've finally decided to reject Tracy Hogg, aka The Baby Whisperer. I found her helpful with Simon, and used some of her techniques successfully. This time, though, her books were just making me feel angry and inadequate. So she's out. I'm using some ideas from Dr. Harvey Karp, mainly his swaddling technique. He's got a great diagram of how to do a tight swaddle in his book. But I can't subscribe to him wholesale, because I can't carry my baby around all day long or breastfeed on demand. I have another kid to look after; I just don't have time to do those things.
On Janna's advice, I bought Dr. Weissbluth's book. So far, I like it. It's actually based on science rather than anecdotes or ideologies.
I admire Angela and Oliver for deciding to avoid all the parenting books, but I just don't roll that way. I've never felt like parenting was intuitive for me. I need help. I need guidance. And this book seems to have the tone I'm looking for: based on research, more flexible than rigid, and building my confidence rather than tearing it down.

Heart:
-Hormones seem to be less volatile the last few days. Fewer crying spells. Emotions are finally evening out, settling down.
-Fears about mothering two children are subsiding. Monday morning I was alone with the boys for the first time. It went well, better than expected. But, it was only 3 hours. So we may yet have some challenges ahead of us.
-Starting to accept the fact that a move is imminent. It really is the best choice for us right now, as sad as that may be. I can talk about it now without crying. That's progress.

Oh, yeah, and the baby is fine too.

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